I found a polaroid of my parents a couple years ago. Seems insignificant, but, they split when I was two in a pretty terrible divorce, and most of my childhood, my dad's existence in my life was patchy at best. I am nostalgic to a fault, but I can't really say if it's because my own history of where I come from is so hard for me to piece together, or because I am a type four (hey enneagram friends). But I found this photo, and I kept it. My mom doesn't know it's missing from her albums (I guess she does now, sorry mom, lol). In all the heartbreak and pain, my mom never got rid of any photos of my dad, and I am forever grateful. But in this one, they're smiling...
They're young, and they seem happy and, maybe they were then. It's all I have of my dad. To this day, I don't have anything else besides his nose, his fair skin, and his bleeding heart. But no photos past when I was two years old. Nothing to see and think, "this is part of my story and who I am." Moments pass, they escape us. Our minds sort out what is important, but, our minds aren't always right. Time is short or elusive and it is hard to hold onto the best things. This has shaped me. No one's life is picture perfect. No one is photo ready because we all live in a real life that is beautifully layered with joy and sadness, good and difficult. We shouldn't wait to document our hearts, or our lives, to create, or to follow our hearts. It is never too late, but let's start today. Everything I give you, all of me and my art, will be meaningful, authentic, and timeless to the story you are in.
Call me the ringmistress (its real I had to google it). I married the boy I met at 18, and 10 years in we have moved 6 times and had 4 kids in 4 years. These babies are my lifes work, they are my highest highs, my lowest lows, they have stripped everything away from me that doesn't matter and brought me closer to the truest form of myself. It isn't always pretty, but I adore them with every single cell in my body. I never would've chosen this path, had I seen it, but, it is the greatest journey that's happened to me.
"I look for the story, for the moments unplanned and in-between, where we see the whole, beautiful you. I look for the light and the shadows that shape the emotions you are feeling. I look for the dance party, the laughter, the smile in your eyes. That's the story we want to leave behind. "